Sunday, February 06, 2005

serious purse situation . . .

i usually don't give too much thought to my purse and the stuff in it. i mean, i want to have everything i would need in the event that i need it, but i don't worry about how it's arranged and that it's just so-so all the time. but i was having 2nd thoughts on that opinion this sunday morning while sitting in church . . . . .

scott and i had been cleaning out the garage recently and i found some boxes of school stuff that would really work better if they were taken to school and put in my room. we loaded some boxes in the trunk of the van so i could get them moved to school. a few days later, i had car trouble, and my car went into the shop. as it turned out, those boxes had been riding around in the car for about 3 weeks before i started to notice signs of a mouse in the car -- shredded tissues, funny smell, and missing food. i didn't do anything about it at first thinking it would just take care of itself soon. after all, what mouse would want to live in a car?

well, this one did, i guess. the mouse was still living in the car and making a mess for me. last night, i decided to get a peanut butter packet from the hotel and set a trap for the mouse to take care of the situation once and for all. today was kind of a hectic day, as i worked last night at the hotel and was driving the bus this morning to pick up the old ladies for church. that meant that i had about an hour to kill between work and drive time, so i thought it was best to spend that time taking a shower and keeping busy. that way i didn't get too tired.

since i was in a hurry and not going to be too long, i didn't carry my purse into the house while i showered and changed clothes. that's not uncommon, though, as i often leave my stuff in the car while i'm getting ready. i was ready and went on to church to drive the bus and the kids met me at church. so far, everything was going wonderful for the morning. raven was dressed up cute and hamming it up in church for all those people around us.

part way through church, raven decided that she needed some tic tacs from my purse. she scooted over to me and started digging through my purse, looking for treasures. i decided to help her, to keep the tampons and other unmentionables from flying out into the open, when i saw that little package of peanut butter sticking up from the side pocket -- and there was a hole nibbled in the corner of the packet.

i suddenly realized that while i had been in the house taking a shower, the mouse had been in my purse eating peanut butter. the next thought hit me like a steam train -- the mouse might still be in my purse! oh my gawd! i couldn't believe it. i was sitting in church . . . in a place where i couldn't make a scene . . . and i might have a mouse in my purse. the worst part was that raven was diggging in my purse at the moment that thought crashed into my brain!

i reached over and snapped my purse shut, which made raven start gearing up to throw a royal head-banging tantrum. i'm sure she thought i was just being unreasonable, but all i could think of was this little mischievous mouse running around the bottom of my purse just waiting to bite some little probing fingers reaching in for treats. then i couldn't decide whether to find out if i had a mouse in my purse or just leave it shut and deal w/ it after church.

well, since i carry a dooney & bourke purse that was rather expensive, the thought of that little mouse pissing in there was just more than i could stand. so i opened my purse and dug through it completely, hoping to God that the mouse didn't jump out in church where everyone could see it. all i could think of was the ray stevens video where there was a squirrel loose in church and the mayhem that it caused. i had all these nightmare visions of this mouse running through the church causing all kinds of trouble and everyone knowing that this problem arrived at church IN my purse. to my relief, i found that the mouse was not in residence in my purse during church. that meant the little bastard was still in the car!

well, tonight is the little guy's last night on this plane of existense. i already know he likes peanut butter, so i will fix him up a nice little dessert buffet of peanut butter ala mouse trap and put out there for his dining pleasure. i know it makes me sound sick and twisted, but i hope to goodness i go out there tomorrow morning to find his lifeless body on the floor of my car waiting to be disposed of in the most uncaring fashion.

not that i'm such a cold-hearted and uncaring person, but i really don't like cleaning up messes that i didn't make . . . . .

update ----- there will be no more peanut butter ala mouse trap buffets served at night in my car.


Jean Hughes said...

This sounds like an Erma Bombeck story. She died a few years back; maybe you could take up where she left off. Poor mousie.

Wanda said...

I was thinking of the Mississippi Squirrel Revival before I got down to the part when you mentioned it. LOL

I had something similar to that happen when my son was little. I don't know if you have any idea what a catalpa worm is, but my grandma is scared to death of them. She was sitting next to my son in church and only halfway paying attention to him because she was listening to the sermon.

My son handed something to her and she just held out her hand without looking, until she felt something slippery and slimy drop into her palm. She gave out a loud gasp and I looked over and saw that my son had innocently tried to share some of the gummy worms I had in my purse with her. That was what scared her. For a moment she thought he had handed her a catalpa worm. She didn't look much better when she saw him eating them either.

Here's a picture of one.