Sunday, March 27, 2005

scott -- 19 and moving on

yesterday was scott's birthday -- 19 years old. he's quite a handsome young man w/ a wonderful personality. i spent quite a bit of time yesterday thinking about him -- the who is he now, the boy he used to be, the man he will become. he has some very endearing qualities as well as those things that make a person want to strangle him. but regardless, he has a smile that touches the heart of all who meet him. in all honesty i can say that i truly believe he will make a good husband and a wonderful father some day. what more could a parent ask for?

probably the most obvious thing about scott when a person first meets him is his personality. he's outgoing, friendly, jovial, laughing, outrageous, funny, sometimes obnoxious and smart-mouthed, but always kind to those around him. he doesn't allow the underdog to be the underdog while he's there, and at 6'4" and built like a linebacker, he tends to get his way on that. he's very loving, too, and not afraid to show that in public. his little 18-month old niece, raven, is just nuts about him, and she may hold him, kiss him, mess w/ his hat, play w/ his earring, or anything else she wants at any time. i think that's a wonderful sign of a true man -- one who can give and receive love without feeling like his masculinity is threatened or questioned.

scott has spent almost all of his life in a "female household" as his father and i divorced when scott was 6 and didn't live together part of the time before that due to his father's job. scott has always been used to being around women and having to allow for things that women do. it was just part of life for him. when his sister took dance lessons, he had to go watch some practices and attend recitals. he knew the difference between ballet slippers and jazz shoes. i always wondered if that would influence his sexuality in later life, but when we were at the dance recital and my 10 year old son whispered, "mom, how long until half-time?", i knew that he had plenty of testosterone in him!

scott is in college now, and just about to finish up his first year there. this has been a surprising and rewarding experience for all of us. school has always been a struggle for scott and many battles raged between us because of it. he's a smart young man and often just did not apply himself. knowing that, i felt like his grades should have been better. he hated school and just went there to see his friends, and he felt his grades were fine if they were passing. when it came time to go to college (and there was NO negotiation on this part of life), he enrolled at labette community college because he has always wanted to be a respiratory therapist and they have an excellent program there. i was dreading the whole college phase because k-12 had been such a struggle, both mentally and physically for both of us. i was exhausted from pushing, shoving, and struggling to get him through school. well, college was certainly a different tune. taking 12 hours, he set his own schedule, studied as needed, managed his own time, and made all A's. the first time in his life -- and his grade card went right up on the front of the refrigerator! college has definitely been a good experience for him.

one character trait of scott's that is both endearing and frustrating is his generosity. i know that sounds weird to be upset by generosity, but as the parent providing the funds or the supplies for him to share, it sometimes was. he was always cognizant enough to realize what he had compared to what he needed. if someone else needed something that he had more than he did, he gave it to them. he did it without asking or without saying. just one day i would notice that something was gone. one time when i told the kids to bring their coats out to the laundry room because i was going to be washing big loads of winter wear, he only had 2 coats. i called to him and said that i needed all of his coats. he yelled back that he had already brought them out there. when i went to talk to him about why he only had 2 coats, he explained that he didn't think he needed more than a good coat and a work coat, so he had given the others to the donation box at school. what could i say?

as he has gotten older, i have noticed these other quirks about him. he doesn't really care about material possessions. i mean, he loves his car, his guns, his stereo equipments, and some things, but everything else is irrelevant. he likes having them, but could easily do without them. i have often accused him of either being a homeless person in his previous life or practicing to be a homeless person later in life. he doesn't care where he sleeps or spends his time. he has a 20x25 bedroom upstairs, complete w/ his own bathroom and full walk-in closet. this is where he "stores" his stuff. where he "lives" is wherever he happens to be. there might be weeks that go by that he sleeps in the middle of the living room floor because he was watching movies after i went to bed. or, he could be happy on the road, traveling from here to there. he wouldn't need to return home, as just the knowledge that home was there would be security enough for him.

because he is such a "transient personality", he doesn't mind rearranging the house to fit his needs, either. if the sun is glaring on the television at the angle it is -- then rearrange the living room to face the other way to fix the problem. when i come home from work, i'm never really quite sure how the furniture might be arranged, where i might find a body rolled up in a blanket asleep, or who else of his friends might be crashing here for the night. if scott noticed that we were not using something as it was now (like the stereo), he would take it upstairs where he could use it easier. when i complained about him taking the stereo without asking, he said, "mom, you haven't used it in 6 months! i use it every day." and that ended our discussion. i didn't have much leverage when i found out that it had been gone 2 months before i noticed it. my excuse -- the glass was tinted and i didn't notice the black stereo missing. the truth -- i just didn't care and i didn't use it!

scott also has big ideas and big plans for the future. he wants to go, to do, to be so many things. i can understand that, because he gets that from me. one big difference is that i'm not sure i can keep him based in reality on some of it. his head is in the sky about what he wants to do, but he needs to keep his feet on the ground. he loves to dream up great things to do, and then he moves mountains (or tries to) to get these things done. i understand this as well, as i do the same thing. maybe that's why i try to protect him from himself, sometimes. he is so intent on doing those fantastic things that he doesn't see the stress that he's putting on himself in the present time. oh well, i guess that's part of what makes life fun. he also has a great sense of wanderlust, where he wants to travel and see the world. he's not interested in traveling "flush" but just getting there. he wouldn't care if he had to sleep propped up against a tree or lying on his motorcycle -- just so he got to go and do. i've always known that boy was going to need a leash sooner or later!

scott has a wonderful little girlfriend at this time, and he seems to think that she might be "the one". he's absolutely head-over-heels for her, and he doesn't really care who knows it. i was kind of worried about it until i meant her, but i have to admit that i really like her. she has spunk, and she'll need that dealing w/ scott. she's just a tiny thing -- maybe 5'2" and 110 pounds maybe. she's smart, she's athletic, and she's stubborn. she doesn't let scott get by w/ much, and i find that refreshing. his personality is such that he can sometimes just overwhelm a person, but he won't be able to pull that w/ anna. i think they will make a nice couple if she is the one. but since she's just 16, we'll have to wait and see.

if she is "the one", then i'll be very happy to watch them mature as they grow old. scott is a very loving and considerate person w/o being walked on. he's used to being around women and doing the things they like to do as well as what he likes to do -- so the gender-give-and-take has already been taught to him. he also loves children and has a naturally nurturing personality, so fatherhood should set well on his shoulders. overall, i think he's has a bright future ahead of him as long as he continues to progress as he is now. i'll grow old watching this scene play out to the ending.

No comments: