Saturday, January 29, 2005

when it rains, it pours

well such is life, right? it's either not enough or it's way too much -- or at least mine seems to be! i've been so artistically inspired that i'm all caught up on my art projects and wondering what to do. no worries, though, as in no time i'll be behind again! i have several projects going on now that are keeping me occupied -- purple ink postcard exchange (PIPE) where i make my own postcards to send out monthly, a monthly tip-in swap of selected colors, a 1-time tip-in of colors for a chunky book, a techniques round robin for alteredbooks, a colors round robin for altered books, and a retro round robin for altered books. plus, i've started art journaling for myself and working on creating a blog to share my life and my completed artwork. hopefully soon i'll have pics posted of some of my finished projects!

this has not been my month for computer comfort, either. the modem went out of the desktop at home, so we're all trying to use the laptop for internet/email purposes. i don't have a computer in my classroom at school, so i like to carry the laptop w/ me. the only problem is that the laptop actually belongs to my son, and he likes to keep it to use sometimes. can you imagine the nerve? the laptop has also started to act kind of funky, so i'm guessing we've just about worn it out from all the use and rough treatment as we carry it back and forth to the multiple jobs and stuff.

i'm also over-blessed w/ hits on my personal profile this month as well. yeah, you read right -- i have a profile placed on a couple different singles' sites. not that i'm really pursueing a relationship, but it gets my daugher off of my back and keeps her from trying to find mr. right for me. it got so bad last summer as she was pressuring me to date someone that she picked out that i signed up for eharmony. for those of you who haven't had to fill out their questionnaire, you'll be shocked at how long it takes to complete. i think the only thing missing on the form had to do w/ my blood type and number of previous sexual partners. anyway, i filled out the humongo form and submitted it -- fully intended to tell my daughter to take a hike now -- and found that i had no matches. at that time, eharmony had just passed the 6 million members mark, so that was rather deflating.

i went home after work and (like the smartass i am) told my family that i was obviously not compatible w/ other humans according to eharmony. well, i didn't know that they did an indepth search every 24 hours, so the next day i started getting matches like crazy. the problem w/ eharmony, though, is that there are not very people here who are members. i did meet some nice people to chat w/, but no one i was interested in having a relationship w/. but that experience did pique my interest in the internet/singles area, so i listed my profile at i also have a profile at yahoo, but it's not open to public search. the reason for the secrecy at yahoo has to do w/ the fact that chris (my ex) has his profile posted at yahoo. imagine the weird feeling i would get if my ex-husband's personal profile from a singles' site arrived in my mailbox . . . yeah, now you know how i would feel! but because i knew he was there, i intentionally chose criteria on my searches that i knew would not fit him. just didn't want to take chances!

anyway, january has been the month of over-interest from people on my personal profile. it hasn't been a bad experience, but different. at this point, there are 3 guys that are actively pursueing me and they are very different from each other. the most promising is 49 and in the process of divorce. to me, that's a yellow light, as i'm not interested in going any further until he gets out of the situation that he's in. but he seems to be a really good guy and someone that i could easily trust, i think. the next one is 47, and i don't trust him. yeah, i'm interested in him, but i don't feel that he's "safe". for some weird reason, i don't feel that it would be physically safe to meet him, and i'm not sure why. but this is one of those feelings that i'm not going to play around w/. i enjoy chatting w/ him, as he's intelligent and has a great sense of humor -- but there is just something that makes me uneasy. maybe it's because he's trying to make me think he's somebody that he's not? the other man is a handsome 27 year old from pittsburg that happens to be friends w/ my daughter. no, he doesn't have a shot in hell! it would just be too weird to date a guy that was closer to my daughter's age than mine! after all, i'm fighting the age battle enough w/o trying to and impress someone that's 12 years my junior! no thank you!!

the "dangerous" guy did provide me w/ an adventure last week, though. i was rather impressed w/ his personality, sense of humor, and intelligence and i decided to do a little more checking out on him. i knew his real name and about where he lived, so i did a yahoo people search for him. it provided his house phone and an address on him. i entered the addy into yahoo driving directions and got the directions to his house -- thinking i would just do a "drive-by" and see what kind of neighborhood he lived in or what style house he had. you know, you can tell a lot about a person by what type of house they live in or how they keep their property. i didn't tell the kids or anyone where i was going, just went on my little adventure after work. after all, it's just about 10 minutes from my job to his house. so i'm driving along, close to lost as i had never been in this area of the country before and i can't find a house w/ that address on it. after 3 passes, i realized the house w/ that address is a falling down shack that would be condemned if it were in town. the kind of house that causes all the neighbors to build fences so they didn't have to see it! my first reaction was to think that maybe yahoo made a mistake -- it's not perfect you know. but then i started really looking at the place, and too many things were matching up w/ the things that he told me on chat -- raising miniature horses, had lots of birds in the yard, lots of political signs in the yard, wooded area out back. my heart just sunk when i saw all this trash and crap. i was so disappointed b/c he wasn't who i thought he was, and he wasn't who he was implying he was, either. i was so disgusted w/ myself over this whole deal that i just went home and went to bed at about 7. just went in my room and pulled the covers over my head and berated myself for being an idiot! then i couldn't decide if i was happier to have found out at that point, rather than being more disappointed later, or later when maybe i had built my hopes up even more. i've decided that now was/is better, and that way it i'm not even harder on myself later!

i haven't decided exactly what to do about this guy yet. at first i was really irritated, but i wasn't sure if i was irritated w/ myself or w/ him -- or maybe some w/ both of us! since then, i'm trying to figure out what his game is. he's unemployed, so does that make him a gold-digger or a victim of circumstance? he's a single dad raising 2 kids, so does that make him looking for a woman to raise his children or just a dedicated father who would like a companion? he did accuse me of "not really looking for a relationship" and i agreed w/ him fully on that count. i'm not really looking for a relationship, and i'll be the first person to admit to that. that doesn't mean that i don't want a relationship or that it's not important to me -- it's just not a priority right now. i don't have the time, energy, or desire to spend time looking for something that i'm not convinced that i want. now, to keep this in perspective -- i would like to win the lottery, but i'm not buying lottery tickets. i'm not even searching for the lost ticket in southeast kansas right now. but if i found a million dollars or a winning lottery ticket laying in my path, i would definitely pick it up. see the correlation? i guess i could say, "i want it, but not enough to put out any effort (or not much effort) toward obtaining it." who knows? maybe this is the year that i'm the winner? or this year i'm the weiner?

well, the singles saga continues and we'll see how it goes!

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