janus -- looking back and looking ahead

this beginning of the year analysis of what happened last year and what we hope will happen this year helps me see where we've been, where we're going, and where we're going to improve. jerry and i both feel very blessed in what we have together and w/ our family that we want to make sure that this is always a priority.

we had SO many great things going on last year and building such great relationships w/ our families. we have several new things in the works for this year, and jerry and i will be exploring several new possibilities for our futures in the decisions that we make this year. hopefully new things will grow that help us in the future and add a new dimension to our lives. we also have several plans for travel this year that we hope will provide us w/ some great memories and definitely some great adventures! maybe even some stories to tell our grandchildren!

we spend so much important time w/ our families, the kids, and grandkids. they are more important in our lives than they probably even know -- but we look forward to doing our special things w/ them this year and watching them grow and develop in their own lives. we enjoy making, creating, continuing traditions that keep us strong as a family and as friends.

we wish a very bountiful 2007 to all of our family and friends. this year definitely started better than others -- like 2004, the new year's day that lucas and i (and summer, too, but she likes to pretend she wasn't there!) lost the big screen tv out of the back of the truck!

pink flamingos to count

this comp book journal page was inspired by a conversation w/ my kids about what i was going to do when they got older. at the time they were about 14 & 16, i was terribly worried about what i would do in life when they outgrew me. i really felt like there was a time in the near future where they would be too busy w/ their own lives and families and careers for there to be much time for me.

i cashed out my retirement at my job and took the kids on a big vacation at 15 & 17, thinking it would be the last time that we had that time to spend together. the times of our family vacations was nearing an end, i thought. we had a wonderful 10 days together that i wouldn't trade for all the world and all the riches in it -- but i have come to a life-changing realization.

my kids aren't going anywhere and they aren't leaving me! they're now 21 & 23 and we spend just as much time together as before. my daughter is now married w/ 2 children of her own, but only lives 6 miles away and we see them very often. my son, at 21, still lives at home while working and working on college. our relationships have changed, but they are still there and still very strong.

now, i first started looking at the time that they would be grown when i first divorced from their father (in 1992) when they were 6 & 8. that was a lot of years and a lot of responsibilities for a single parent to be facing alone. i put parenting and family time as my main priority, thinking that at some point these responsibilities would be lifted from me.

almost as if . . . magically . . . my children would no longer require parental attention after the age of 18. i was terribly disallusioned in thinking that "my job" and "my purpose" would end abruptly then. the disallusionment did give me hope and did help me through some really stressful times. to fill that void, i was planning to purchase a street bike and travel for the summers. since i'm a teacher, i could leave the day after school was out and return the day before school started.

i would have the freedom to just meander from here to there, not worrying about who needed a ride, a doctor appointment, a prescription, a teacher conference, a new outfit for a special occassion. i thought that these things would magically be taken care of by my children who would both be legal age. having had my children young, i had never had the freedom to just come and go as i pleased.

when i first told the kids of my plans to just ride for the summer, my daughter's first response was "well! how will i know where you are?!?" this from the girl who thought i was being too demanding if i wanted to know where she was, what she was doing, who she was w/, and when she would be home. i assured her that i would have a cell phone w/ me and would check in w/ her every single day.

then her next question was, "but what are you going to do?" she didn't understand the concept of just riding for the pleasure of riding or meandering just for the adventure of seeing what i could see. that had no purpose in her eyes. after trying to convince her that it did have a purpose and a meaning to me -- i saw that i was getting no where.

so, as seriously as possible, i looked her in the eye and told her that i was going to ride from florida to alaska and count/document the number of pink flamingo yard ornaments that i found. i would take pictures and make notations about where they were and then bring that back home to show what i had been doing. she thought about it for a bit . . . and then said, "oh, ok."

it's still my plan to buy a street bike in the near future and to ride as much as possible, but i did sort of mess up my plans on that by meeting/falling in love/marrying jerry. his presence does sort of complicate my plans of being "carefree" for months at a time.

although, there are other complications as well -- as i couldn't go more than a week w/o seeing the superspecial little people in my life now. of course i wasn't planning on having them so soon in my life, as i was looking for time off from being a parent before becoming a grandparent -- but life doesn't always cooperate w/ our plans, huh?

since then, pink flamingos have held a special place in my psyche. the people who know me and who have known about this "plan" make it a point to show me things about pink flamingos or send me pictures of pink flamingos. no, i don't want pink flamingos of my own -- i just want to see who has them and where they are located!

our first date -- 2 years ago

jerry and i "met" on match.com back in january of 2005. he was in the process of a divorce, so we wouldn't be dating until his divorce was final. i felt safe giving him the promise that i would go out w/ him when his divorce was final, thinking that it would be several months before it was finalized.

well, it was much quicker than i figured -- finalized on march 14, 2005. our first plans were to go out on easter weekend. i worked the night shift on both friday and saturday night, so he suggested sunday evening for going out (our first date was 3/27/2005. i put him in charge of deciding what we were going to do on our date.

my family all got together for easter dinner, but it was rather a subdued occassion because little raven was sick. she had been to the emergency room late the night before, but they sent her home and said she probably just had the flu and to give her lots of liquids. she still wasn't feeling well at our get-together and was perfectly content to crawl up in memaw's lap and snuggle.

with her not feeling well and me tired out -- it wasn't long before we were both sacked out on the couch. i should know better than to ever leave my camera lying around w/ my family present, but this wasn't too bad of a picture to have.


later that afternoon, raven went back to the emergency room. this time she was admitted and her parents were told she had rotovirus. that's like the flu from hell. if you've never experienced, thank your lucky stars!

i was to meet jerry at 6 that evening. i thought about canceling and going to the hospital to spend the evening w/ raven and her parents, but summer encouraged me to go on w/ my plans. there was nothing i could do at the hospital to make raven or them feel better.

jerry and i met at riverton, where i parked my car, and then went on to buffalo run casino in miami, oklahoma. i felt like i already knew him when we went out because we had chatted on the computer and talked on the phone so much.

we played video poker for a while and then decided to go to town to montana mike's to get something to eat. we had no more than sat down for our meal when jerry's phone rang. it was his son, jacob, wanting to know where we were. jerry explained that we were getting something to eat -- and then found out that jacob and amanda were at the casino looking for us. they had decided to "crash" out first date!

we finished our meal and then headed back out to the casino for a few hours more play and to meet jacob and amanda. we said our hellos and chatted a bit and then moved on to our own thing.

i told my kids about jacob and amanda "crashing" our first date, and i could tell summer was really irritated. i'm sure she was upset because jacob got to see me before she got to see jerry.

so, amazingly, summer and lucas decided to eat out at olive garden the next week -- just so happened to be the evening that jerry and i were going out to dinner there. lucas was manipulated into it and didn't realize it until they were leaving, but summer had chosen to go there in the hopes of "bumping into us"!

well, we didn't arrive until about 10 minutes after they left. i guess summer didn't realize that we were going to go walk around the mall a while before going out to dinner! if we had done this to our kids -- they would've accused us of spying on them! but i guess it's perfectly fine when your parents are dating to spy on them!

obviously the family has all met now and most of them have spent lots of time together. we feel really fortunate that my kids and jacob's family all get along great and enjoy spending time together -- as we so much enjoy spending time w/ all of them.

i guess you know where we'll be on the night of our "2nd anniversary" -- back to buffalo run casino and montana mike's for dinner. who knows -- maybe this time we'll win some big money!!!

summer and raven == cool girls on trike

i spent some time the other day looking through old pictures stored on the computer looking for examples of altered book artwork that i had done. i ran across some pictures that i had forgotten i had even taken. obviously, things around our house are not always conventional -- but they usually ARE fun!

sharing usually wasn't raven's strong point and she doesn't look too happy here in these pictures -- although i'm sure the look on her face is more from terror and possible stomach upheaval as mommy was tearing through the house on the tricycle. i saw a strong connection between her tricycle driving skills and her regular car driving skills. if i were raven at that point -- i would've been scared too!

summer and raven -- june, 2005.

i think the pictures are rather self-explanatory, but someday . . . summer will look back and these pictures and say to her kids (who will then think she is so old and so uncool) . . . "see, i was young and cool at one time!"

so glad it's gone!

in looking back over the events of 2006 and looking forward to 2007, one of the most important events to happen for us was the sale of jerry's home in webb city. we had put the house on the market in august of 2005, knowing that we were making plans to marry and combine households and also knowing that houses don't always sell immediately.

well, it was almost exactly a year from the date of listing the house to the date of closing on the house. i was actually sick to death of the house, myself. we spent hours and hours and hours painting layer upon layer upon layer of kilz and off-white paint over the atrocious and offensive sponge-painting throughout the house. when the realtor first saw the house, she just laughed at the paint and color schemes throughout the house and said, "that HAS to go before i'll even show it!"

i know it's hard to believe, but one particularly ridiculous room actually took 7 layers to cover up the horrid sponge-painting design. it was one of those things that was just so ridiculous and idiotic that it becomes hilarious in the process. we laughed and laughed at that room, the design, the idea, and everything -- all as we continued to paint layer over layer trying to hide it from the rest of the world.

there was one particularly good point about this house, though. it had a beautiful deck on the back, leading from the kitchen upstairs to the pool downstairs. it was brilliantly designed and built, with gates at the top of the stairs, at the bottom of the stairs, and before the pool area -- insuring that the small grandchildren couldn't sneak into the pool area. i was amazed when i found out that jerry had designed and built the deck himself -- all without a printed pattern but from the picture in his mind!

there was nothing more exciting than getting the call that said the deal was final. we were closing on the house and moving on in life. yeah, we had some good times there -- but there were many more bad times there than good times for both of us. now we could dump this albatross from around our necks and move on in life toward more good times and good memories.

this was the absolute most exciting piece of mail that we received all year of 2006! the feeling of freedom that this gave us was almost unbelievable!

daffodils -- spring has truly arrived!

well, we know that spring is truly here when daffodils are growing and blooming everywhere we look. we went up to nevada, missouri, the other night to see jerry's mother and family and saw that her daffodils in the front yard were just on the verge of blooming.

as we traveled up there, we stopped to take pictures of these beautiful daffodils blooming in the ditches near nevada. i needed to get some good pictures at different stages and different angles, too, because i promised to post some for my online groups when they started blooming here.

even more upclose pictures for people to see the details in the actual flowers. these daffodils were absolutely beautiful as examples!

more details and more angles of these blooming beauties!

we did have a few wild ones growing in our yard near the garden, but when raven went outside the other day and saw that they had bloomed -- she gladly picked them and brought them in for me! she was very proud of the little handful of 8 or so daffodils that she brought in, so i quickly got out a glass of water to put them on display.

the botanicalart yahoo group that i'm in has a monthly challenge, and the daffodil (narcissus) is the challenge for march. i'm going to try and get some daffodils drawn/colored and posted to the group for the challenge, but i'm not sure that'll happen. while this is spring break, it's not much of a break for me as i'm working extra hours at the 2nd job to cover for others who are off for spring break.

anyway, i sure am happy to see the arrival of the daffodils, as i was definitely ready for spring/summer after the winter that we've had this year! i heard it was the worst winter here in 50 years, and i could go another 50 years before having another like it!

all by myself -- the full story

life is not always fair and it is not always fun, but it does always work out. maybe not like we would like it to, but it does always work out. this last holiday season was the worst time of my life -- dealing w/ a back injury and dealing w/ missing all of the important holiday activities that i do w/ my family.

i was in such terrible pain that it was almost unimaginable. i would've never believed it if i hadn't been experiencing it myself. the only way i could exist in any comfort was lying on my stomach. after a while of that, then other parts of my body got terribly sore. i spent hours reading, coloring, emailing, surfing -- anything trying to keep busy. when i couldn't stay awake, i would sleep off the pain pills. further details revealed in night mares and charlie horses.

throughout this time, we were also bombarded with interference from certain "family members" that were not positive experiences. these people are people-users, people-abusers, hypocrits, liars, and worse. i was sick of dealing w/ them. this input or attempted influence in my life was not wanted and not welcomed at any time -- but especially not wanted and not welcomed now. the holidays were rough enough in not happening the way i wanted, but i definitely didn't want any "help" from these other people.

the picture on this page was taken from a national geographic magazine and glued on to the page after it had been painted w/ acrylic paints. the picture always amazed me that someone put that much effort into building such a beautiful place so far away from civilization -- obviously for a reason! probably the same reasons i have . . . b/c people get on my nerves and i like the quiet of being away.

some people can't understand that i have realized my life is better and will be better w/o them in it. i can choose who to allow to be a part of my life. just because someone wants to force their way into my life and my activities doesn't mean i have to allow it and doesn't mean i have to make arrangements for it. i decide who i'm going to let into my life.

a relationship is a two-way street. when more than 1 person is involved, then it takes more than 1 person to decide to work on a relationship, more than 1 person to decide when to work on that relationship, and more than 1 person to decide IF that relationship will be worked on or not.

i'm not just sitting here waiting on someone else to decide he's ready to work on our relationship as if the universe is revolving around his wishes. maybe that's the biggest problem -- he hasn't realized that the universe doesn't revolve around him. some day, when he's a real adult and gets out in the real world, he'll either realize that the universe does not revolve around him or the world will eat his lunch.

either way, things will work out!

cat's new haircut

well, the cat finally got her haircut. although she did outsmart us the first time -- details here -- the next time we went in to the situation a lot more prepared. we looked like we were building barracades, as we used furniture to block all the service doors under the jacuzzi to prevent her from hiding there again.

summer came out to help, as she's the one who can handle the cat the easiest w/o getting mangled or losing a limb. she gave the cat a dose of "calmer downer" and left her in the bathroom for 15 minutes for the medicine to take effect. as summer walked out, she drug a bookshelf across the bathroom door. believe it or not, the cat CAN open the bathroom sliding door.

summer went back to check on her in 15 minutes and gave the cat another 1/2 dose of "calmer downer" (as the instructions state) and then left her to chill a few more minutes. again, blocking the closed door with the bookcase. when we judged the time was right, we headed into the bathroom to get this job done. we had the cat drugged, our game faces on, the supplies out and ready to go.

only thing -- we ran into another problem. the clippers weren't working! we started into this haircut process and the clippers were barely running and hardly cutting any hair! we started to laugh hysterically, which upset the cat, because we thought we were going to have to admit defeat again on getting this done.

jerry came in to check on us, and i told him about the clippers. we had just bought a new set recently, and i couldn't believe they were already not working. he went up to check scott's room, and he found the clippers up there where "mr. clean" had been using them for his personal hygiene regimen.

now rescued from the "bad clippers," we were off and running on getting this haircut done. once we had our appropriate supplies, it was quick clipping as the "calmer downer" wears off on the cat fairly quickly. we were shearing as fast as we could go, but we weren't going fast enough. we had to take a break for her to have another 1/2 dose of "calmer downer," and then we moved on.

we cleaned her up and trimmed her up as neatly as we could. for those of you who have comments about the missed spots or uneven spots -- i would invite you to help hold her down next time! i think you would then agree w/ me in that she looks just wonderful like she is! we're all about getting done as fast as we can as neat as we can -- but the fast part is the most important.

as soon as we got done shaving her and cleaning up the mess, summer started the shower running to rinse her off. well, she had had enough of our grooming -- so she ran as fast as she could and we decided it wasn't worth the effort to catch her. or maybe it wasn't worth the reward of catching her? anyway, she got her haircut and checked out before she got her bath!

the funny thing of it is, though -- after she has a haircut, she's the friendliest cat! seriously!! not to strangers, of course, but to us she is. that's totally out of character for her, too. when she has short hair, she's friendly and likes to snuggle and likes pet. when she has long hair, if you try to pet her, she'll start scratching you. weird, huh?

so, she hates the haircut part but loves the after-effects of it. we hate the haircut part, too, but love the after-effects of it enough to keep up the major family event. here's a picture of her after the shearing where she looks more like a big white rat than a long-haired himalayan. while she's not near as prissy looking now, she's definitely a cuddler now.

lady in training

raven is definitely a girlie-girl, even though she likes to play rough and tumble and get dirty at the farm. she loves to be dressed up, have her hair done, have her nails (both fingers and toes!) painted, and wear lipstick (my bonnie bell lip gloss)! one of her favorite things is to get a set of high heels out and walk up and down the tile hallway, hearing the click-clacking of her heels all the way. she is very proud of her ability to walk in such "big shoes"!

this picture was taken in june 2006 at her house when memaw and grandpa jerry stopped by to visit for a bit!

ogre achiever

this sign is near joplin, and every time i see it -- it just makes me smile. of course, my family has a special history w/ the shrek movies and characters.

now that little raven is here, she loves "chrek" as much as we do -- maybe more. shrek is just a movie that i don't get tired of, and each time i watch it, i see something that i hadn't noticed before.

i'm continually amazed at how many things the creative minds can think of to tie in together in the theme of the movie -- so many jokes that the adults get that go right over the heads of the kids.